12 Things to Avoid After a Breakup: A Guide to Optimize Your Healing

When we are faced with a breakup, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and healing rather than dwelling on the past or fixating on getting your ex back. Additionally, there are certain actions to avoid to optimize your healing process and prevent reliving the pain of a breakup. By focusing on self-improvement and growth, you can navigate through this difficult time and emerge stronger than before.

In this guide, "12 things to avoid after a breakup," we'll discuss some of the most common mistakes people make after a breakup and provide tips on how to avoid them.

Why This Is Important

Before we delve into the finer details, let's summarize the essential points of post-breakup wisdom. Healing after a relationship ends is about navigating through a complex mix of emotions while preserving your well-being. It's easy to fall into habits that may feel momentarily comforting but ultimately hinder your recovery. Remembering these key tenets can serve as a compass that guides you back to a sense of self and readiness for new beginnings. Valuing self-love, establishing boundaries, and acknowledging the lessons learned will help you move forward. This guide aims to illuminate the paths not to take and, inversely, highlight the healthier routes on your journey to healing and also personal growth from this breakup.

12 things to avoid after a breakup:

1. Don't contact your ex

One of the most common mistakes people make after a breakup is reaching out to their ex. Whether it's for closure, to get back together, or just to check in on them, contacting your ex will only prolong your healing process. It's important to accept that the relationship is over and focus on moving forward. The closure can wait, and it's better to have a proper closure when your mind, body, and soul are in a better place.

2. Don't Isolate Yourself; This Is The Time to Connect

After a breakup, it's common to feel the urge to isolate yourself from others. You may not want to talk about your feelings or be around other people in general. While taking some alone time is necessary for healing, isolating yourself completely can actually hinder your progress. It's important to stay connected with friends and family who can provide support and comfort during this difficult time. It is the time for you to deeply connect with your inner self, allowing your true self to stay on the surface, accepting the experience as a painful but significant part of your life journey that will eventually lead you to exponential growth and strength.

3. Don't Keep Checking Your Ex's Social Media

I get it; the urge to check on your ex on social media. In this digital age, it's tempting to constantly check your ex's social media accounts to see what they're up to. However, this can only bring more pain and prolong the healing process. Seeing them moving on or being happy without you may trigger feelings of jealousy, anger, or sadness. To truly heal and move on, it's important to let go of the past and focus on your own journey. Unfollow or block your ex if necessary, and resist the temptation to check up on them. But remember, that is a temporary solution until you no longer need the external restriction and protection. The ultimate goal is that you'll be able to control your emotions, mind chatters, and decisions based on your healing, personal growth, and new and better relationship experiences in your life. That is the best and only way to really "move forward."

4. Don't Rush Into a New Relationship

After a breakup, it's common to seek out comfort and validation from someone else. However, jumping into a new relationship too soon can hinder your healing process and potentially lead to repeating the same patterns in your future relationships. Take the time to truly heal and focus on yourself before getting into a new relationship. This will not only allow you to bring your best self into the next relationship, but it will also allow you to reflect on what went wrong in your previous relationship and learn from it.

5. Don't Avoid Your Feelings

It's normal to want to avoid painful emotions after a breakup. However, suppressing those feelings can only make things worse in the long run. It's important to allow yourself to feel the pain and healthily process your emotions. This could be through journaling, talking to a therapist or trusted friend, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and help release any pent-up emotions. Remember, healing is not about avoiding pain but rather learning how to cope with it healthily.

6. Don't Blame Yourself or Your Ex

It's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for the breakup. However, it takes two people to make a relationship work, and it's important to remember that both parties played a role in the breakup. Avoid blaming yourself or your ex and instead focus on learning from the experience on your part and moving forward with the valuable lesson. It's important to take responsibility for your actions but also acknowledge that you can't control someone else's choices or behavior.

7. Don't Think You Have to Do This Alone

If you're struggling to cope with your emotions, don't be afraid to reach out for help. This can be from a therapist, counselor, or even a trusted friend or family member. Talking about your feelings and getting professional support can make a huge difference in the healing process. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and you don't have to go through this alone.

8. Don't Obsess Over Your Ex; Focus on Yourself Instead

It's natural to think about your ex after a breakup, but constantly obsessing over them can prevent you from moving on. Instead of focusing on your past relationship, focus on yourself and how you can improve and grow as a better version of yourself. Take time to rediscover your passions and hobbies, or pick up new ones. This will help shift your focus away from your ex and onto personal growth. Have a strategy to shift your mind and emotion on your ex to your healing such as taking deep breaths, stretching your body, reading self-affirmations, or hugging yourself, for example.

9. Don't Rush the Healing Process

Healing takes time and it's important to be patient with yourself. Avoid trying to rush the process or comparing your healing journey to others. Everyone heals at their own pace, and it's important to give yourself the time and space you need to fully heal. Embrace the ups and downs, and trust that eventually, you will move on and find happiness again. Give Yourself Space and Time. One of the worst things you can do after a breakup is rush into another relationship. Emotional turmoil often makes us want to seek comfort, and sometimes that means seeking out a new partner too quickly. Jumping into a new relationship too soon can have consequences for all involved. It might prevent you from properly healing from your previous relationship, and you might inadvertently use your new partner as a band-aid for your unresolved feelings.

Every person's healing timeline is different, but one commonality is the need for time. Use this time to reflect on the relationship and understand what you want and need moving forward. It might be weeks, months, or even years until you feel ready, but any relationship arising from self-understanding and a clear heart will be more likely to succeed.

10. Don't Seek Revenge or Retaliation

The desire for revenge is a common feeling after a breakup, especially if the parting was not amicable. However, acting on this impulse can damage one's integrity and peace of mind.

Resist the Urge for Harm

Whether it's confronting them in public or trying to damage their reputation, seek solace in the phrase "living well is the best revenge." Trying to hurt someone else often just leads to you feeling worse in the long run.

Focus on Moving Forward

Redirect your energy from negative thoughts or actions towards healing and positive behaviors. Pick up a new hobby, volunteer, or focus on your career. This positivity will not only promote your personal growth but also serve as a signal to your ex that you're moving on in a healthy way.

11. Avoid Drunken Calls or Texts

In the midst of heartache, the senselessness of a drunken call or text to your ex can seem like a good idea. In reality, it can set you back in the healing process and cause undue embarrassment.

Maintain Clear Boundaries

Set a 'no contact' rule with your ex to avoid hasty or emotional communication. Consider deleting their number or using a friend as a filter between you and your ex for any important, non-emotional messages.

12. Don't Lose Your Dignity

When you avoid the temptation to reach out in a moment of weakness, you're protecting your dignity and self-respect. It's far better to express yourself after careful consideration than during a time when alcohol or impulse may cloud your judgment. The way you handle yourself after a breakup will have a lasting impact on your life. By refraining from social media drama, giving yourself space and time to heal, not badmouthing your ex, and avoiding drunken contacts, you promote an atmosphere of respect and grace that not only helps you move on from the past but also sets the stage for healthier relationships in the future. Embracing self-love practices, such as journaling, spending time in nature, or seeking therapy, along with respecting your personal boundaries, accepting where you are today but not settling in, and being extra kind to yourself, will elevate you to a space of peace and self-fulfillment.

Bonus Tip

Discover new insights and practical tips on navigating complex karmic relationship issues by tuning in to episode 41 of the Two Naked Hypnotherapists podcast. In this episode, entitled "The Uncomfortable Relationship Q&A," expert hypnotherapists delve into a range of challenging relationship questions that listeners have had to answer. From dealing with jealousy and infidelity to managing conflicts and communication breakdowns, this podcast provides a comprehensive guide to building healthy and fulfilling relationships. So, if you're looking to enhance your relationships, don't miss out on this enlightening and informative episode!

Remember, post-breakup behavior is not just about the breakup itself; it's about the person you are becoming because of what you are experiencing now and the future you are being created by the choices and decisions you make right now. So, be kind, be graceful, be strong, and find your happiness within your own healing journey. Prioritize your well-being as you navigate through the aftermath of a breakup. You deserve to be happy and free from negativity. Trust that with time and self-care, you will heal and find happiness in yourself again. Don't let a breakup define or hold you back; use it as an opportunity for growth and personal evolution. The best is yet to come! Stay strong and keep moving forward. You got this. Remember: love yourself, be kind to yourself, and trust in your journey.